Wake Up!

Have you ever felt like you were really out of it? Meaning life in general. I have been on a hiatus of sorts since August 24, 2022 when I was hospitalized for Acute Pancreatitis. I spent 39 days in hospital basically on my back, eleven of those days were spent in the ICU. I was finally released home in mid-October, but had to have daily infusions in my newly installed picc line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) in my arm. This meant I was essentially homebound and my daily activities of living were those of par of an extremely elderly person. Alas, I had reached Life Stage 15 of my own Life Stage Scale.  I had to go back later in the same month to a hospital in San Francisco for another endoscopic (ECRP) procedure. I, then, had to I had to learn how to walk again and gain my strength to do the simplest things such as walk to the mailbox and climb a few steps. I was all set to resume my life, but then I got Covid a week before Thanksgiving (USA) 2022. Covid recovery took about a month and I was finally imagining life was going to get better. In early January, I got Shingles affecting my mid back and right side. Fortunately I was able to get medication which reduced the severity and have plans to get my shingle shot at the end of April 2023. In February 2023, I was finally able to travel and take a trip and had an enjoyable time, but came back with Covid for the second time in mid-February 2023. 

So what does my tale of woe mean to my starting title of Wake Up? I feel like I have been asleep at the wheel of life since August 2022 and I am now finally ready to wake up! I have focused on the essentials and only that since August 2022. Those essentials come down to Five Things  which have been Getting Healthy, Staying Healthy, Practicing Self-Care, Saying No and Being kind to the people in my life right now. Now, it is the time to go back on my own blog and learn some things about transitioning my own life. I am ready to wake up!

Links to my various blog articles for those experiencing a medical or disaster event of backsliding proportion.

Backsliding: Why we all need to understand this concept! 

Time to Rest

Maybe - Five is All You Can Handle

When Other Things Get In The Way

Should and Could's - let's think about this!

Are you failing to listen to the should and the could's in your life? By transforming our shoulds into "do's" and "will"s we may accomplish many things.  However, sometimes our should and coulds are things we might want to avoid doing entirely.

1. Take a look at your should's and could's 

Spend some time over the next few days listening to your inner talk and your external communications. Take note of the number of times you express or think the word "Should" or "Could". If you have a high frequency of shoulds or coulds, (Perhaps 5+ a day) you may want to spend some "thinking, development and planning" time around them.


2. Delve into the should's and could's

After you have listened to yourself over the last few days, you may find some frequent shoulds and coulds. Take time to jot them down in sentence form.

I should get more sleep at night
I wish I could keep my desk clear
We could buy a new car 



3. Analyze your should and could's for future work and change.

Let's say you want to get more sleep. How can you go about making it come to fruition? By brainstorming you may come to some possilble solutions.

For example:  

I should get more sleep -  To get more sleep, go to bed earlier or stay in bed longer. The should becomes a will when you decide to go to sleep earlier or set your alarm for a later morning wake up.

We could buy a new car - Deciding to buy a new or different car, is a process and project. You may choose to get a new car when your current car reaches a certain mileage, or if maintenance fees exceed the cost of a monthly payment. Your new car might be more advantageous when you have to start driving to your new company's office (which is further away) to keep fuel costs down. A new car might make more sense after you have paid off other debts or saved a certain dollar amount. The could becomes more of a strategy and plan development when you look at the when and why components. 


4. Transform your should and could's to wills, when's, why's or later decisions. If you formalize and bring these shoulds and coulds  to the next phase you will allow more space for things to happen.

5. Erase your negative should and could's from your mental and verbal vocabulary.  Sometimes we have stuck should and could's which can not be easily transformed into action or do not warrant further thought about. 

For Example:

I should have said  ..... instead of ......
I could have read the directions three times and caught my mistake (after improperly assembling a complex piece of furniture)


Spend some time working on your should and could's and you will likely transform your life.


This is a best of post from 2009.

Measuring Your Progress

There are times when you need to measure your progress on your journey. You can do this at certain points of times during every transition. Here are some suggested time and then some questions for you to ask yourself.  The potential times to do this are:


Four months after a move
Two months after graduating college
Three months into a new job
Two months after retiring
One year after the loss of a loved one
Six months after getting married


What has been accomplished? 

What is there left to do? 

What has been learned? 

How have you changed?

How are things different than you expected?

What do you know now that you did not know then about yourself? (Example: You are skilled in packing fragile items)


Reviewing and reflecting can help you get a fresh perspective and grasp of where you are and what you have accomplished. I encourage you to take some time to size things up. It can be revitalizing and give you some more energy to move forward.

Why Now?

Have you ever reached the point when you say to yourself "Why Now"? I am at that point, life was beginning to go smoothly then all hell broke loose - So now I (and most likely you too) need to make another transition. Maybe, in fact, we are all at that point with the Covid-19 Pandemic.

Transitions are not easy. They seem to come just when you think you have everything all set. Why is this, I ask you dear reader? "Why now"?

The answer is not why now, but maybe "why not"? Let's face this transition with some grace and positive forward movement. Let's go with Why not! Let's look at this time as time to make some changes.  Change takes courage and begins with little steps.

What's Most Important to You?

Do you take time out to think about what is most important to you? Do you take life as it comes or do you make life what you want it to be? There may be no right or wrong answers to these two questions, however those who fail to plan, often find their life results less than they desire.

I have found taking “formal planned  time” to focus on what is most important to you is key to creating the life you want.Taking time out from your day-to-day activities can be tricky and complicated, especially if you lead a busy life. However, if you are a busy person, then taking time out is as easy as making an appointment or two with yourself. A few hours will likely be enough for you to create a clearer understanding of where you want to go.

Individuals who are focused can pre-plan their “future vision session” .  They can do this by creating a list of questions to consider during the session.  This will allow a more focused and directed time. However, if you are a person who has trouble focusing, working with a life coach for a few sessions might be the key to creating the life you want. The life coach can help you by asking great questions, and then you can find your own answers.

Terry now provides life coaching services. Check out her website for more details.

Moving On

I recently came across a little paperback version of the book After The Move, Growing Roots in a New Community  by Judith Lechman.  This book published  by Lion in 1990 stands the test of time.

As someone who has moved over 20 times in my life, it really resonated about the mental aspects of moving. Moving requires physical strength and tenacity, but to me the most difficult part about moving is the mental part.

Judith's book discuses what she calls the 4 D's of moving. They are Being Disorientation, Being Disorganization, Being Discouraged and Being Disconnected.

Moving into a new home, creates disorientation. We have to learn a new floor plan, find new providers of services such as grocery stores, pharmacy and medical providers. All these are in locations unfamiliar to us, which means we have to learn how to get to and from our new home to theses new places.

When we move into a new home or apartment, we have to store our things usually in different places. This creates disorganization. Knowing that we have silverware is one thing, but knowing and familiarizing ourselves with the storage location is another.

Moving can be discouraging. We have to commit hours of unpacking and organizing of our stuff. We have to adjust to our new job, or community. Judith suggests we don't look at the whole picture, instead focus on one chore at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow, just focus on what needs to be done today.

When we move to a new community we are immediately disconnected. "Moving can be painfully lonely. It cuts us off from our past, isolates us from the present, and detaches us from the future." While this feeling is normal, we need to start to reach out within our new unity to expand our friendships and broaden our experiences. This happens best when we approach it with a positive attitude.

So if you are about to move, or have just moved. Take heart in understanding the "4 D's" and you will soon be feeling more at home in your new community.

 

Sluggish Starts

Are you starting a new project? Not all new project start fast and furious. Some projects are doomed to sluggish starts. Here are some strategies to surpass the sluggish qualities.

Strategy 1) Start with a clear vision of what you want or need to do. Take some time to sit and write out what you want or need to accomplish. This sounds simple, but defining a clear vision is often the part that gets skipped.

Strategy 2) Know what you don't have to do. This is especially important and often overlooked while one is moving forward. You can keep the decks clear of procrastination and inconsequential parts of the project by figuring out what you don't have to do,. Recently I wrote a post on my other blog - The Importance of What's Missing. This article may help you consider knowing what you don't have to do on a deeper level.

Strategy 3) Select a time when you will work on the project. This time needs to be held sacred. Sit and start for at least an hour. This may help you get past your block or resistance.

Strategy 4) Some projects don't have deadlines. Making a deadline helps one be more productive. Break your project into sections and give yourself a timetable for completion. This may be something you can do alongside Strategy three.


I have two earlier posts that relate to projects - Check them out when you are reaching the middle or end of a project.

Muddled in The Middle
Eking it Out at The End

Eking it out

When we reach the near end of a project or activity, distractions seem to find us. In our eagerness to move on to the next thing, we may lose focus on the current assignment and spend too much time concentrating on the next thing. Staying focused is often hard towards the end.

The reasons we have difficulty are: 

1) We want to move to the next project, adventure or assignment. In some fields, this is called "short timers syndrome". 

2) We know moving on means changing our daily routine or work patterns. We may like our current day and this new upcoming day or life may be hard to imagine.

3) We know moving on will mean new or different relationships with people, places or things.  


Some strategies for moving on at the end of a project or assignment are:

Strategy 1 - Stay focused. Think about the present, not the future. 

Strategy 2 - Enjoy your last days or weeks with your present situation and acknowledge and appreciate the familiar routines and daily patterns.

Strategy 3 - Avoid procrastination activities and bring the best you can to the current work or assignment.

Strategy 4 - Take care of your physical self. Get enough sleep, drink plenty of water and maintain a healthy diet. 

If you have just finished eking it out, what advice or strategies do you have to offer?

See also: Muddled in the Middle

You might also enjoy reading Sluggish Starts - How to Get Going.

Being Positive in a Negative World

It is hard to stay positive when we are filled with negativity. Recently I've noticed more negative conversations around the world's water coolers. How can we remain or become positive?

Balance Out your Media 
Avoid watching too much daily news.  Reduce your media consumption by 20 percent. Seek out positive blogs or select an uplifting book instead.  Listen to some soothing instrumental music instead of listening to talk and dialogue.

Look at Nature
Put down the cell phone or pad and look at the sky, feel the wind, savor the weather.

Smile More
Individuals who smile are more likely to be received in a positive light. In others words, we get what we give.

Be Positive where you can
Say thank you, your welcome and really mean it . Work on your inflections.

Appreciate and Play with your Pets
Pet's are great stress relievers. Spend some time watching or hanging out with them.


Realize you can't necessarily change the world, but you can change yourself and your attitude.

Traffic Light Thinking

The traffic light is a great metaphor for reviewing where you are in terms of  creativity or project development. 

Creativity – Everyone is creative in their own way. You can look at your personal or professional creatively in terms of the traffic light. Are you being creative and flowing, as in being in the green light? Or are you in a cautionary or transitional phase as in yellow. Maybe you are at a stopping point and are at the red light waiting for time or inspiration. Again the secret is to be aware and clear on where you are in terms of the traffic light.

Project Development – Are you at a standstill? Have you come to a red light? Did you hit a full stop?  Are you at a transitional time when you are in caution mode? Are you in the flow with the green light going full speed ahead? Knowing where you are on a project, in terms of the traffic light,  is a helpful tool for monitoring your activity and progress.

Where you are at the traffic light is a great tool for understanding your productivity and creative status. Green may be good, but too much green may be exhausting and unhealthy.  A long time at yellow may mean you are in a transition and may need to try other things. This could include seek help from others such as a coach or make some required changes. Being in the red may be frustrating, but it can also be the well-needed rest. Red can also be the warning sign to make some changes

Try using the traffic light metaphor in measuring or examining some of your projects or activities. Let me know what you think.

This is a post from my blog Terry's Thinking 

Time to Listen More

Now is a good time for us to listen. The holiday season brings many social gatherings and events. Listen more and learn. Instead of delving right into a conversation, spend more time in listening mode. This may give you an opportunity for deeper communications in the long run.

Let's say you are attending a neighbor's party. When you choose to listen instead of providing small talk, you can find out all types of information. This event could provide you with the knowledge that:  your friend Sally has just purchased a new car, Jody was laid off and is in need of a new job,Margie is worried about her aging parents, Martha is looking for help with social media for her new business.

All this information gleaned at the neighborhood party can then translate to Sally has an old car to sell.  Jody, who needs a job, can be referred to Martha who needs some help with social media. Margie, with the aging parents, might just need an ear to vent, or she may need some local resources you have to share.

When you listen deeply, you can potentially give the gift of helping move things along, make a job connection or give much needed comfort and assistance. Being a good listener takes extra work and effort, but it really can pay out healthy dividends for yourself, your friends and your community.

Making Time For Fun

Let's talk about having fun. Fun is something we all need to take seriously. After all, all work and no play is what makes a day dull and us boring.

How can you have fun Today? How can you make fun everyday a priority? Having fun is different for each of us. For some it may be reading a book, watching a favorite TV show or movie, using Pinterest or Facebook, playing solitaire, going for a walk or spending time talking on the phone to a friend or family member. 

It is especially important to set some time for fun when we are overloaded with a long "to do list" or complex project. Fun needs to be incorporated into our day when we are in the middle of a life transition or living through a stress filled period in our life such as when serving as a primary caregiver for an acutely ill person or child.  It may seem like a misuse of our time but the "fun break" or "Fun out" will make us more productive and effective in the long run.

When we schedule in fun, we maintain a good balance in our life. 

So what fun are you planning today?

This is a revised post from 2014

Ahead or Behind?

There are days when we think we are "ahead" and days when we are falling "behind". On the best of days we are right where we are suppose to be.

Here are some strategies to help you: 

When you are Ahead

First, mentally acknowledge yourself for being at the "ahead" stage rather than the "behind" phase. Second, take some time to build in a well earned break. Third, review the elements of your success. Sometimes we have developed new skills that have allowed us to move forward. Glean these as takeaways for the future.


When you are Behind

First take a deep breath, acknowledge where you are. Realize that this will not be forever.Second, spend some time working on strategies. How you might speed up, or move your project along? Sometimes we have to pull out of other unnecessary or less important activities to reach a project goal.Third, seek help. Many times we fall behind because we fail to enlist help. Sometimes that is what we need to move forward.

This is a best of post from 2010.

Resizing Your World

When in transition we often shrink our daily contacts down to the less stressful, more peaceful ones. We do this for self protection and to also help make our days calmer. Going through transition takes peace, quiet and often solitude.

Transition is a time to try new things and acquaint ourselves with new people and new ideas. Finding new people isn't always that easy but often times this is when we go back to our roots and seek out those who meant something to us in terms of friendship and personal and professional development. This needs to be done selectively and carefully. Missteps are abound here if you don't set personal boundaries with yourself on this adventure.

Resizing your world takes time and careful thought. Sometimes it time to shrink the contact list and other times it is time to grow and expand the list.

Whatever time it is for you, take it careful and slow. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

This is a best of post from 2007.

Smile More

Smiles are contagious. They can help you maintain a sunny disposition and also have the effect of making people respond to you in a positive rather than negative way.

We may forget to smile when we are in a hurry or at the end of the day when we are tired. It is hard to smile when we are sad, but when dealing with strangers and other people, a smile may help brighten the day and provide us a friendlier environment in which to communicate or work in. 

This is a best of post.

Look at "Shoulds" and "Coulds"

Are you failing to listen to the should and the could's in your life? By transforming our shoulds into "do's" and "will"s we may accomplish many things.  However, sometimes our should and coulds are things we might want to avoid doing entirely.

1. Take a look at your shoulds and coulds

Spend some time over the next few days listening to your inner talk and your external communications. Take note of the number of times you express or think the word "Should" or "Could". If you have a high frequency of shoulds or coulds, (Perhaps 5+ a day) you may want to spend some "thinking, development and planning" time around them.


2. Delve into the shoulds and coulds

After you have listened to yourself over the last few days, you may find some frequent shoulds and coulds. Take time to jot them down in sentence form.

I should get more sleep at night
I wish I could keep my desk clear
We could buy a new car



3. Analyze your should and could's for future work and change.

Let's say you want to get more sleep. How can you go about making it come to fruition? By brainstorming you may come to some possilble solutions.

For example:  

I should get more sleep -  To get more sleep, go to bed earlier or stay in bed longer. The should becomes a will when you decide to go to sleep earlier or set your alarm for a later morning wake up.

We could buy a new car - Deciding to buy a new or different car, is a process and project. You may choose to get a new car when your current car reaches a certain mileage, or if maintenance fees exceed the cost of a monthly payment. Your new car might be more advantageous when you have to start driving to your new company's office (which is further away) to keep fuel costs down. A new car might make more sense after you have paid off other debts or saved a certain dollar amount. The could becomes more of a strategy and plan development when you look at the when and why components.


4. Transform your should and could's to wills, when's, why's or later decisions. If you formalize and bring these shoulds and coulds  to the next phase you will allow more space for things to happen.

5. Erase your negative should and could's from your mental and verbal vocabulary.  Sometimes we have stuck should and could's which can not be easily transformed into action or do not warrant further thought about.

For Example:

I should have said  ..... instead of ......
I could have read the directions three times and caught my mistake (after improperly assembling a complex piece of furniture)


Spend some time working on your should and could's and you will likely transform your life.


This is a best of post from 2009.

Get Ready To Change

Sometimes we want to make changes but we are not quite ready. A technique that can help you in this process is "noticing".

Notice when you are doing the habit or behavior that you want to change. By noticing we can gather all sorts of data and information that will help us make potential steps towards the change.

For instance: take the habit of oversleeping. Take note of the days you tend to do this? What type of activities do you have planned on that day? Does the planned anxiety of the day cause you stress and start the oversleeping process? Do you start sabotaging your sleep by staying up late, eating foods that cause you indigestion?

Noticing is a great tool for making changes. What can you notice?

Change Your Attitude

Change and transition's are generally difficult. If you have been involuntarily made to change, a change of attitude may make a big difference.

Three ways to change or transition your attitude:

1. Try looking at things with a perspective outside of yourself.
    
2. Visualize a good outcome and rethink strategically how to get to that place.
    
3. Be grateful you have to experience this discomfort and appreciate the insightful lesson's you will learn.

Growth comes from change. Start with changing your attitude. You will enjoy the journey much more.

This is a best of post.

Strategies to Get Unstuck

Guest Post By Fred Beiderbecke

When you are about to hit the wall, or feel trapped, the odds of proceeding usually seem insurmountable. Here are some suggestions and strategies:

1) Begin by reframing the situation. Make the whole situation less threatening, friendlier and in terms that make more sense to you. 2) Assume the worst so that you no longer worry, and then proceed as if the worst had already happened. 3) Get back to the basic principles you're operating under for guidance. 4) Trust in a higher power because it is beyond your ability to cope.  5) Enjoy yourself through some diversion, thus taking better care of yourself, and then return to the problem. 6) Use the Serenity Prayer so that the past does not unduly bog you down.  Each moment is a new beginning. 7) Persevere. Remember that good things happen to those who wait.

In these ways, you can go around, over, or create an opened door (as was described in the earlier post Hitting the Wall.) 

Hitting the Wall

Every once in a while we hit a wall in our life. Hitting the wall means we have reached an impasse without a "door" or "window". This is when we have to backtrack, change our attitude or stay within the confines of our current situation. However, staying within the confines of our restricted space for a prolonged time may not be beneficial for our mental health.

We can hit the wall due to employment limitations, current circle of friends, relationship changes, or even environmental limitations. Think people, places, or things! All of these three categories can contribute to hitting the wall.

Acknowledging that you have hit the wall is the first step. Being patience with yourself is critical at this time. Looking for alternative solutions may take longer than you hoped for. It may also be not the choice you want to choose, but one that is the best for you in the long run. Most importantly remember change takes time and is a challenge.

This is a best of post from 2010.