Should and Could's - let's think about this!

Are you failing to listen to the should and the could's in your life? By transforming our shoulds into "do's" and "will"s we may accomplish many things.  However, sometimes our should and coulds are things we might want to avoid doing entirely.

1. Take a look at your should's and could's 

Spend some time over the next few days listening to your inner talk and your external communications. Take note of the number of times you express or think the word "Should" or "Could". If you have a high frequency of shoulds or coulds, (Perhaps 5+ a day) you may want to spend some "thinking, development and planning" time around them.


2. Delve into the should's and could's

After you have listened to yourself over the last few days, you may find some frequent shoulds and coulds. Take time to jot them down in sentence form.

I should get more sleep at night
I wish I could keep my desk clear
We could buy a new car 



3. Analyze your should and could's for future work and change.

Let's say you want to get more sleep. How can you go about making it come to fruition? By brainstorming you may come to some possilble solutions.

For example:  

I should get more sleep -  To get more sleep, go to bed earlier or stay in bed longer. The should becomes a will when you decide to go to sleep earlier or set your alarm for a later morning wake up.

We could buy a new car - Deciding to buy a new or different car, is a process and project. You may choose to get a new car when your current car reaches a certain mileage, or if maintenance fees exceed the cost of a monthly payment. Your new car might be more advantageous when you have to start driving to your new company's office (which is further away) to keep fuel costs down. A new car might make more sense after you have paid off other debts or saved a certain dollar amount. The could becomes more of a strategy and plan development when you look at the when and why components. 


4. Transform your should and could's to wills, when's, why's or later decisions. If you formalize and bring these shoulds and coulds  to the next phase you will allow more space for things to happen.

5. Erase your negative should and could's from your mental and verbal vocabulary.  Sometimes we have stuck should and could's which can not be easily transformed into action or do not warrant further thought about. 

For Example:

I should have said  ..... instead of ......
I could have read the directions three times and caught my mistake (after improperly assembling a complex piece of furniture)


Spend some time working on your should and could's and you will likely transform your life.


This is a best of post from 2009.

Time to Listen More

Now is a good time for us to listen. The holiday season brings many social gatherings and events. Listen more and learn. Instead of delving right into a conversation, spend more time in listening mode. This may give you an opportunity for deeper communications in the long run.

Let's say you are attending a neighbor's party. When you choose to listen instead of providing small talk, you can find out all types of information. This event could provide you with the knowledge that:  your friend Sally has just purchased a new car, Jody was laid off and is in need of a new job,Margie is worried about her aging parents, Martha is looking for help with social media for her new business.

All this information gleaned at the neighborhood party can then translate to Sally has an old car to sell.  Jody, who needs a job, can be referred to Martha who needs some help with social media. Margie, with the aging parents, might just need an ear to vent, or she may need some local resources you have to share.

When you listen deeply, you can potentially give the gift of helping move things along, make a job connection or give much needed comfort and assistance. Being a good listener takes extra work and effort, but it really can pay out healthy dividends for yourself, your friends and your community.

Almost There

I have been on a reading challenge this past year - To Read 100 books. I am happy to say I am at 99 books and I have the final one almost half done. This reading challenge has been enlightening in so many ways.

I have always been a reader and reading is something I love. So this made this challenge fun. I did try a variety of different books from my normal choices. At times I read anything that had an interesting looking cover, other times I looked for comfortable sized books to read in between some supper long books to rest my hands. I did read a few books electronically and started one audio book (not yet finished) on my IPhone.

Getting near the deadline is exciting. Getting done for the deadline is special. I will keep you updated on my progress.

Now is the time to choose a challenge for 2013. Do you have any challenge ideas for yourself or maybe you have a suggestion for me?

Transition Your Thinking

We often have more time for reflection as Autumn sets in. Your thinking determines your mood, attitude and your choices. How are you thinking today?


Cloudy or Clear Thinking

Thinking Outside the Box

Bottom Up Vs. Top Down

Non Thinking as a Strategy

Under thinking

Over thinking


For more thoughts on thinking visit Terry's Thinking - A blog about thinking.

Get Ready To Change

Sometimes we want to make changes but we are not quite ready. A technique that can help you in this process is "noticing".

Notice when you are doing the habit or behavior that you want to change. By noticing we can gather all sorts of data and information that will help us make potential steps towards the change.

For instance: take the habit of oversleeping. Take note of the days you tend to do this? What type of activities do you have planned on that day? Does the planned anxiety of the day cause you stress and start the oversleeping process? Do you start sabotaging your sleep by staying up late, eating foods that cause you indigestion?

Noticing is a great tool for making changes. What can you notice?

Changing Your Mind

There are times in life when we find ourselves changing our minds about certain things. These changes can mean we have found new insights or ways of dealing with things or feelings.

A change of mind can be because you have comprehended a different perspective, felt more aware or differently about something.

When have you changed your mind about something?

Enjoy the Present

The present is today. Every day, find a way to enjoy something in each day. By focusing on the now, not the past or the future, you will be truly living.

Look at what is working.
Explore what makes you comfortable.
Examine and reflect on what is working in your life.
Remember what makes you smile.
Don't forget to laugh.

Enjoy your present. It's the best!

Look at What is Working in Your Life

When we are in the midst of change, we often think of the future as being the only place we want to be. Try instead to look at the simple things that are working in your life right now. There are almost certainly things that are going well and making your life comfortable and enjoyable. Sometime we have to dig a bit but it is worth taking a look.

Here are some elements we might want to think about:

• The current season
• The daily weather
• A good book to read
• Water that comes from a faucet
• A good friend to call
• A hot meal
• Lights that turn on at a flip of a switch
• A place to sleep
• A toothbrush to clean your teeth
• The sounds of early morning birds in your neighborhood
• A pair of comfy socks
• A piece of paper to write on
• A computer that allows you to visit the world from your desk

What might you want to add to this list? Think about what makes your daily life enjoyable and comfortable.  By paying attention to what is working in our life, we are more likely to adopt a positive attitude towards our future.

Ask Good Questions

Do you ask questions? The questions we need or want to ask are often the ones that help us find the answers.

Questions work best if they are relatively short and direct. Complex questions can get us bogged down in terms of perspective and framework as well as intention. Extremely complex questions can also confuse the person who is suppose to be answering them.  A complex question may not get answered because the "answerer" may loose his or her sense of place. 

Gary Lockwood, a business coach said "a significant reason to ask good questions is to help the person you are asking. Asking well-crafted, intelligent questions causes people to think profoundly. When someone thinks more deeply than before, new ideas, new answers and new possibilities emerge".

Everyone asks questions throughout their day and life. They can be internal questions or external ones. Take for example the internal question Shall I work on this task or another? This small question will drive our actions. By making sure your internal questions are positive, you can have more impetus to move forward. A negative internal question creates a bad starting attitude and may delay your progress. Shall I work on this mind numbing task or quit for the day? Work to compose your internal questions to get the best results.

External questions such as Do you (my boss) want me to work on this assignment now?, can be altered by inflection of the voice or a significant pause. Do you want me to work on this assignment NOW? can be taken as a passive aggressive statement. So be mindful of how you present your questions as much as choosing what to ask.  

When you ask questions is also an important factor. A question answered by a tired individual or someone who wants to leave the room is likely not to be as good as from someone who is refreshed and energized. Make your questions count, choose to ask them in the best possible time. When the timing is bad try to communicate at a later time. Delayed questions may still be answered, and in fact getting better results. 

Spend some time over the next few weeks observing how you ask questions. Review if your questions are getting answered. See if your questions get thoughtful answer. If your answers are not clear start working on your questioning skills. 

Working on our questions is a lifelong journey. In the words of Francis Bacon - "Who questions much, shall learn much, and retain much". Improve your questioning skills and improve your life.

Learn from Autumn Leaves

A new neighbor of mine, recently stated to a fellow neighbor who was raking leaves. If only we had a penny for every leaf. I had never heard that particular expression before. It certainly makes for a good laugh. Something we all need when we are faced with a leaf strewn driveway and yard full of leaves. 

Fall brings us leaves to rake and splendid color. Fall is a time of thanks, reflection and review. As the leaves change and the days get shorter we seem to have more time to review our lives and take stock for planning our future. Unless of course, we are tired from raking leaves.

Here is a poem that speaks to the nature of leaves. 

Fall, leaves, fall;

by Emily Jane Brontë (1818 - 1848)

Fall, leaves, fall; die, flowers, away;

Lengthen night and shorten day;

Every leaf speaks bliss to me

Fluttering from the autumn tree.

I shall smile when wreaths of snow

Blossom where the rose should grow;

I shall sing when night's decay

Ushers in a drearier day.

Top photo by Joe. Bottom illustration by Kacei. Modified from 2007 posting.

The Two Sides of Tears - Loss and Achievement

Have you ever stopped to wonder about tears? We can have tears of sorrow and tears of joy. When you experience someone’s tears did you ever stop to think you could be the cause of them in a positive or negative sense?

This quote by Suresh Advaithas expresses it very well.

The biggest loss in life  -  Tears in someone’s eyes because of you.
Biggest achievement in life  - Tears in someone’s eyes for you.

May you bring happy tears to those you know.

This is a best of post from Terry's Thinking, Terry Prince's other blog.  

Put Your Heart in It

My friend Marilyn, once told me "It's when you have your whole heart in it - that's the key to success"!

February, is a great time to ask yourself how you can you put your "whole heart" into what you do.

Being present is one thing. That means really being where you are.

Next are the "More's":

• smile more
• give more
• play more
• work more 
• learn more

If you are not where your heart needs to be, then it is likely a good time evaluate "where and what" you want. This can start by trying new things or working with a life coach.

Terry now provides life coaching services.

Look to Learn

 
What does looking elsewhere have to do with transition? Sometimes we focus too much on inner selves that we neglect to take a good look at the environment and people around us.

Here is a reminder:


Look at People
Who are the people who make your day special? They can be your family members, friends, neighbors and of course your pets. People can also be the providers of service we routinely count on. By focusing on them instead of our "self" we can change our attitude, learn new things and move forward.   

Look at Places
Take some time to observe where you are. Look at the buildings, trees and sky. Our visual senses can bring us great relief from every day sameness. Look with new "eyes" and really see where you are. 



Look at Things
Spend some time looking at your surroundings with deeper vision. Really look at the mug on your desk. Observe the stapler. Contemplate your phone. When we look with intent we often see things in a brand new light.


Looking elsewhere is one of the ways to make a transition in your thoughts, attitude and  mindset.

Another method is by listening. You may find this previous post about sound helpful. Stillness and Silence.


Let me know how some of these exercises go in transitioning your mind.

This is a best of post, enjoy the holidays. 

Late Versus Early

Are you an owl or a lark? Knowing and accepting your natural tendencies can help you be more productive. Owls are night creatures and larks are those who take advantage of the early day and mornings. We are usually one or the other.

• Observe who you are - a lark or owl. Accept it and delight in your being. 

• Work to schedule your activities and tasks around your natural tendencies. Don't create unnecessary work for yourself by planning against your nature. 

• Understand and acknowledge the owl or lark tendencies of your friends and family members. Don't expect deep conversation from an owl early in the day, or late night discussions with a lark later in the day. Accept the morning or evening tendencies of your friends, co-workers and family. Learn to work with them by their style instead of trying to make them someone they are not.

By working with your true nature as well as others, you will be more incline to be the productive and accepting person you want to be.

Things of the Past

Time to clear out the dusty and old, to make room for the new. Today, I am looking at how to handle past office and business material. Business owners who have been in business for over 10 years, know that the material starts to acquire. This is especially true if you haven't changed your office location in over 5 years. The following might help you when clearing out the past from your office.


Non Serving Usage
Outdated expired, no longer relevant items come to mind. I ran across a hidden pile of blank outdated forms. These found a home in the recycling bin.

Former Client Files and Material
If you have been in business a while, it is likely you understand the value of record retention. I have a five year client policy. However sometimes material is a useful template or example for other things. This is where a template vs. a client file becomes of value. Transitioning files over to templates, maintains your record retention plan and helps you understand the importance of what you have learned, created or observed.

Example/Template Files 
Even example or template files can become overwhelming or overfilled. Periodic clearings can help prevent overload.   


Aging Technology
I recently disposed of a plethora of floppy disks containing financial information. Of course, I had to make them unusable first - this took time. Some never used disks I donated to my community through freecycle.


Historical Reminders
Not all old items are unwanted. I ran across an old newsletter from an association that had a wealth of memories, and brought up a few "I need to call that person" notes to add to my to do list. After I added that, it was easy to toss the material. Sometimes I found information that was useful for my business time line. So I placed that in my time line pile. Stay tune for more on this in the next few months.

Historically Significant
Occasionally you may run across some items of ephemera, that might be of value to your community or business community. It helps to understand the concept of ephemera. Check out my article on my website for information on this topic.   



By keeping the above in mind, you may have an easier time of clearing out. Business Anniversaries are a cause for celebration, and a good time to make time to clear out the past, to make room for the new.

October is Terry Prince's business anniversary month. Terry started her business in October of 1983.

 

Hot or Cold?

When examining your life you can measure your progress towards your goals in a number of ways. Today let's consider using hot and cold. Since we are in the season of neither summer or winter (in any hemisphere) I think we can address this in a temperature model.

Let's think of "hot" as being something you gravitate towards, and "cold" being something you want to leave or escape from.
 
What do you have going on that you feel "hot" about? Conversely what do you feel "cool" about? By gauging your temperature towards an activity or event you may make choices that move you closer towards your future goals.   

September - Green and Growing

Many years ago, a mentor of mine gave me a plant and said "Keep Green and Growing". This advice seems to speak to me especially at the start of each September. September, after all, is the month of sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks and the fresh start drive to learn something new.

Make education a part of your life by reading, exploring new ideas and trends. Sharpen your writing skills by evaluating your past written materials. Can you upgrade your writing or be more concise? Evaluation is as much a part of learning as is exploring new things.

This September, I plan to be learning more about how we acquire, hold on to stuff and let go of stuff. This is part of my getting prepared for a presentation in October on The Possession Cycle.

What are you planning on learning this month?


This is a revisit of a September 2007 post.

Examining Your Hobby

I've been discussing hobbies on my blogs lately. After some more thinking, I believe hobbies come in four distinct types.


Creation: Creation hobbies are those that involve crafting, builiding, designing

Collection: Collection hobbies are those that involve locating, cataloging, displaying, discussing

Observation:  Observation hobbies are those activities that involve watching or attending as in the theater, art shows, museums, auto races, or ball games

Participation: Participation hobbies are those activities that involve doing such as dancing, running, photographing, singing, playing an instrument, or acting



There are no rules for hobbies. There are no right or wrong activities. Hobby selection is what works for you at your time, energy level or financial situation in life.

Sometimes we may participate in a hobby for many years until an injury or reduced physical sense comes in to play. We may then transition to being an observer. Conversely, we may be an observer and affectionado for many years until we have the time to commit to becoming an active participant. 

Some hobbies involve a crossover between the four types. Travel is one example. Travel can be thought of as an observe and participate activity. When traveling we often choose to observe others performing different activities not seen in our usual daily life. 

Now might be a good time to list your hobbies and see where you are in terms of the four categories.


If you enjoyed this article, you might also enjoy:
  
Look for Dust 
Renewing an Old Hobby

Smile More

Smiles are contagious. They can help you maintain a sunny disposition and also have the effect of making people respond to you in a positive rather than negative way.


We may forget to smile when we are in a hurry or at the end of the day when we are tired. It is hard to smile when we are sad, but when dealing with strangers and other people, a smile may help brighten the day and provide us a friendlier environment in which to communicate or work in. 


Here is a Lego smiley man to help you remember to smile more.

Celebrate Today

Three things to keep in mind, today and every day.  While seemingly simple to write, these actions are not necessarily easy to do. Often in the rush of every day, we lose track of these important components of having a life full of quality.  

1) Celebrate every day
2) Make life fun by being fun
3) Live most of each day in the present