Should and Could's - let's think about this!

Are you failing to listen to the should and the could's in your life? By transforming our shoulds into "do's" and "will"s we may accomplish many things.  However, sometimes our should and coulds are things we might want to avoid doing entirely.

1. Take a look at your should's and could's 

Spend some time over the next few days listening to your inner talk and your external communications. Take note of the number of times you express or think the word "Should" or "Could". If you have a high frequency of shoulds or coulds, (Perhaps 5+ a day) you may want to spend some "thinking, development and planning" time around them.


2. Delve into the should's and could's

After you have listened to yourself over the last few days, you may find some frequent shoulds and coulds. Take time to jot them down in sentence form.

I should get more sleep at night
I wish I could keep my desk clear
We could buy a new car 



3. Analyze your should and could's for future work and change.

Let's say you want to get more sleep. How can you go about making it come to fruition? By brainstorming you may come to some possilble solutions.

For example:  

I should get more sleep -  To get more sleep, go to bed earlier or stay in bed longer. The should becomes a will when you decide to go to sleep earlier or set your alarm for a later morning wake up.

We could buy a new car - Deciding to buy a new or different car, is a process and project. You may choose to get a new car when your current car reaches a certain mileage, or if maintenance fees exceed the cost of a monthly payment. Your new car might be more advantageous when you have to start driving to your new company's office (which is further away) to keep fuel costs down. A new car might make more sense after you have paid off other debts or saved a certain dollar amount. The could becomes more of a strategy and plan development when you look at the when and why components. 


4. Transform your should and could's to wills, when's, why's or later decisions. If you formalize and bring these shoulds and coulds  to the next phase you will allow more space for things to happen.

5. Erase your negative should and could's from your mental and verbal vocabulary.  Sometimes we have stuck should and could's which can not be easily transformed into action or do not warrant further thought about. 

For Example:

I should have said  ..... instead of ......
I could have read the directions three times and caught my mistake (after improperly assembling a complex piece of furniture)


Spend some time working on your should and could's and you will likely transform your life.


This is a best of post from 2009.

Notice Now to Make Changes

Sometimes we want to make changes but we are not quite ready. A technique that can help you in this process is "noticing".

Notice when you are doing the habit or behavior that you want to change. By noticing we can gather all sorts of data and information that will help us make potential steps towards the change.

For instance: take the habit of oversleeping. Take note of the days you tend to do this? What type of activities do you have planned on that day? Does the planned anxiety of the day cause you stress and start the oversleeping process? Do you start sabotaging your sleep by staying up late, eating foods that cause you indigestion?

Noticing is a great tool for making changes. What can you notice?

Over and Done

For some graduation means one's life ticket is punched and the next stop is already planned and prepared. Not all of us are so lucky. When the ride of one's life gets derailed or comes off the tracks it's really a cause for frustration.

Not all journeys are straight lines. Fortunately we can learn lots of great things while being on a circuitous route. Remember straight lines are just straight lines. While they are steady they are generally boring.

This is the time to take advantage of your disadvantaged state.  First run over to your local library, yes, the local library, and get an up-to-date library card. Check out some actually books. Bored? Then it is time to read some current magazines or newspapers. You know, the print issues they still get delivered.  Check out any events or near free course offerings in the community. Someone who is reading current events or attending them is likely not a boring person and will have something to say upon meeting new people.

Next, start sharpening your networking skills. Contact a few people to practice some informational interview meetings. Remember you are in-between and searching. You are not yet "officially" looking so you are just collecting information, not seeking definitive employment. Take the pressure off yourself for just the meeting.

Now is the best time to keep healthy. Exercise daily and maintain a healthy diet. Go for a walk and find things that make you laugh and maintain your sense of humor. You have more free time now than you will likely ever have again until you officially retire.  Use your time wisely and enjoy it productively. Don't waste this time. It will be gone before you know it.

Say No Now to Move Forward

Do you have looming deadlines? Now is the time to say No! You don't have to be mean, you just have to be firm. Say no to the unnecessary and the unneeded. You can also say no to the much later and not required now.

Focus on what is needed now. Don't look for new projects or let them find you. When you have looming deadlines it is just the nature of the beast that exciting shiny projects will come charging in. This is always the time they will come looking for you, they really will. Be prepared.  Don't let them in you head. Don't put them on your desk or desk top to distract you from your deadline.

Are you about to finish up the school year? Are you almost three weeks away from deadline? This is truly the time to take the words above in the top two paragraphs to heart. Say No now to move forward.

Small Steps to Getting Things Done

Getting started is often the hardest part of any task. Think about some "small steps" you can do to get part of the process or project done.

One of the ways to view the task in today's modern world is to decide if your task involves Electronic Communication Activities or Non-Electronic Communications Activities.  By determining this you can set the stage to begin your task. You can also steer yourself away from the electronic distractions which are more of a tendency to increase procrastination. 



Electronic Communication Activities 

• Turn on the computer or phone
• Mentally draft an outline of the conversation or email/test before you actually begin
• Look up a phone number or email in your files
  
• Get into a blank document  (if you have to draft a letter) or set up an email or text
• Start typing or speaking

Conversely if you don't have a "screen" or electronic task at hand, you can consider using this list of steps:

Non-Electronic Communications Activities

• Turn off the computer
• Turn off the cell or mobile phone
• Visualize or decide what needs to be done first
• Get out the tools you need to do the job
• Go to the needed location 
• Begin your process

This is a best of post from 2011 - I am posting this because I need to take my own advice to heart.

Resizing Your World

When in transition we often shrink our daily contacts down to the less stressful, more peaceful ones. We do this for self protection and to also help make our days calmer. Going through transition takes peace, quiet and often solitude.

Transition is a time to try new things and acquaint ourselves with new people and new ideas. Finding new people isn't always that easy but often times this is when we go back to our roots and seek out those who meant something to us in terms of friendship and personal and professional development. This needs to be done selectively and carefully. Missteps are abound here if you don't set personal boundaries with yourself on this adventure.

Resizing your world takes time and careful thought. Sometimes it time to shrink the contact list and other times it is time to grow and expand the list.

Whatever time it is for you, take it careful and slow. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

This is a best of post from 2007.

Getting Motivated when You Aren't

There are times when we are not motivated. So how does one reach into one's self and get motivated?


Decide whether it is a "must" do or "maybe I should" do.

Strong "musts" are usually easier, although the "shoulds" are usually minor tasks that weigh us down. Shoulds are sometimes precursors of "musts". In January, you may have a thought, Maybe I should start working on my taxes now. In a few months time, such as on March 31 (your accountants deadline) or on April 14, you will be saying I must work on my taxes, now!  

Start working on part of "a must" at the beginning of your day.  By fixing a time to start and getting on to doing it, the job then becomes doable.  We can often put off doing something if we don't plan for it. By setting a plan, we can then begin to get it done.

"Maybe I Should" items are often  guilt ridden or involve lots of smaller parts. If you can break down a should into it's parts, you may find it starts to seem easier.  Using the tax example, it might be "collect up all my receipts", "add up my total 1099 income", "locate the tax package from the accountant", "find the mortgage interest statement", "add up my business mileage".  With some small wins on a should, it often becomes an item on your to do list that eventually gets done.

Beneath the Surface - Growing Ideas

There are times when we may think nothing is happening. We are living a fallow life - in our rut, a big one. Yet, beneath the surface, we are germinating new thoughts, coming up with ideas, learning helpful skills and processes that will soon raise up and come forth in a new concept.

Here are some visual concepts to get you thinking:

• A coffee maker percolating, after a short while it will be ready.
• A bud unfurling on a tree in springtime.
• Underneath the ground a seed is breaking out of it's coat ready to grow.
• The dying embers of something else that will soon become a new steady flame.

What's happening beneath your surface?

Being Positive in a Negative World

It is hard to stay positive when we are filled with negativity. Recently I've noticed more negative conversations around the world's water coolers. How can we remain or become positive?

Choose Positive Media and Messages
Avoid watching too much daily television news. Look instead at situational comedies. Seek out positive television shows or series. Stop watching so much television and read an uplifting book instead.

Smile more
Individuals who smile are more likely to be received in a positive light. In others words, we get what we give.

Be Positive where you can
Say thank you, your welcome and really mean it . Work on your inflections.

Appreciate and Play with your Pets
Pet's are great stress relievers. Spend some time watching or hanging out with them.


Realize you can't necessarily change the world but you can change yourself and your attitude.

Transitions Through Your Life

Over the last few months, I been describing stages in the adult life. Here is a recap of the stages and links to the posts.


Transition Your Life - Adulthood
Transition Your Life - Early Adulthood
Transition Your Life - Middle Age
Transition Your Life - Golden Age
Transition Your Life - Senior Age
Transition Your Life - Elderhood

Sluggish Starts

Not all new project start fast and furious. Some projects are doomed to sluggish starts. Here are some strategies to surpass the sluggish qualities.

Strategy 1) Start with a clear vision of what you want or need to do. Take some time to sit and write out what you want or need to accomplish. This sounds simple, but defining a clear vision is often the part that gets skipped.

Strategy 2) Know what you don't have to do. This is especially important and often overlooked while one is moving forward. You can keep the decks clear of procrastination and inconsequential parts of the project by figuring out what you don't have to do,. Recently I wrote a post on my other blog - The Importance of What's Missing. This article may help you consider knowing what you don't have to do on a deeper level.

Strategy 3) Select a time when you will work on the project. This time needs to be held sacred. Sit and start for at least an hour. This may help you get past your block or resistance.

Strategy 4) Some projects don't have deadlines. Making a deadline helps one be more productive. Break your project into sections and give yourself a timetable for completion. This may be something you can do alongside Strategy three.


I have two earlier posts that relate to projects - Check them out when you are reaching the middle or end of a project.

Muddled in The Middle
Eeking it Out at The End

Three Ways to Change your Attitude

Change and transition's are generally difficult. If you have been involuntarily made to change, a change of attitude may make a big difference.

Three ways to change or transition your attitude:

1. Try looking at things with a perspective outside of yourself.
2. Visualize a good outcome and rethink strategically how to get to that place.
3. Be grateful you have to experience this discomfort and appreciate the insightful lesson's you will learn.
   

Growth comes from change. Start with changing your attitude. You will enjoy the journey much more.

Keep Green and Growing

Many years ago, a mentor of mine gave me a plant and said "Keep Green and Growing". This advice seems to speak to me especially at the start of each September. September, after all, is the month of sharpened pencils, fresh notebooks and the fresh start drive to learn something new.

Make education a part of your life by reading, exploring new ideas and trends. Sharpen your writing skills by evaluating your past written materials. Can you upgrade your writing or be more concise? Evaluation is as much a part of learning as is exploring new things.

In terms of growing and green, this September I began my taking some cuttings off my boxwood hedge, with the hopes of starting a new plant. I will get to see if it takes root and if my green thumb awakens.